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why did the chicken cross the road?

Posted on: ديسمبر 18, 2008

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure — right from Day One! — that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me…

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on ‘THIS’ side of the road before it goes after the problem on the ‘OTHER SIDE’ of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his ‘CURRENT’ problems before adding ‘NEW’ problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road…

George W. Bush: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, “What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway? Where do they get these chickens?”

However, at the Fourth Chicken Crossing Conference, held in the Poultry World Hall of Fame on May 10-12, 2000, a team of distinguished scholars met once again to consider this poultry matter in depth. Unfortunately once again, no consensus was reached. Here are some points considered and some possibilities based on observations using chicken psychology tests, media reports, forensic evidence, public and private investigations and human intuition, put forward to explain the behavior of the chicken. It is hoped that at the next conference further progress toward a definitive answer will be made.

1. The chicken wanted to learn about his family hisory (i.e. which came first the chicken or the egg) so he crossed the road to get to the library on the other side.
2. The chicken was feeling confident, it was a nice spring day, traffic was light, visibility was good, all the other chickens crossed the road so naturally this one didn’t want to appear anti-social, contrary, and oddly different.
3. It was just a matter of time before it happened because, just as every chicken loves some chicken sometime, every chicken will cross some sort of road sometime.
4. Because it felt like it.
5. Because it needed the exercise.
6. Because it wished to avoid meeting the chicken it saw approaching..
7. Because that’s what chickens do.
8. Having spent days and nights searching its soul the chicken finally decided that it had to cross the road and did so.
9. It all depends on what is meant by “chicken”, “road” and “cross”.
10. It got bored.
11. It had a death wish.
12. It had already crossed the road 999 times that day and wanted to make it 1000.
13. It had always been intending to and finally decided today was the day.
14. It wanted a change of scenery.
15. It wanted to be famous.
16. It wanted to catch the bus into town.
17. It wanted to show it was not a chicken.
18. It wanted to show it was a mean chicken.
19. It was a very confused chicken.
20. It was caught by a freak gust of wind.
21. It was collecting experiences for its next book.
22. It was part of a chicken conga line which happened to be crossing the road.
23. It was trying to find its roots.
24. None of the other chickens crossed the road and this chicken wanted to be different.
25. The chicken crossed the road because it was daydreaming and did not notice it.
26. The chicken had just had its head chopped off.
27. The chicken was looking for love.
28. The chicken was running late and took a short cut.
29. The chicken was trying to make a difference.
30. The light turned green.
31. The other chickens dared it to.
32. The other chickens told it to go away.
33. The time had arrived for this chicken to cross this road.
34. This chicken inherited genes predisposing it to cross roads.
35. This was a Mormon chicken and it was setting out on its mission.
36. Why not?
37. All events in the chicken’s entire life are fixed in 4-dimensional space time and the chicken could not have done anything else at that time (as we see things from within ordinary experience) than what it did; the chicken crossed the road because the chicken’s crossing the road has been part of the eternally fixed micro structure of the 4-d block universe from the moment of its creation.
38. It was helping to stamp out bugs.
39. It was bearing the white chicken’s burden.
40. It was fulfilling its Manifest Destiny.
41. It was helping to make the world safe for chickocracy.
42. It was just following orders.
43. It just did.
44. It wanted to prove to the squirrel that it could be done.
45. It wanted to prove to the opossum that it could be done.
46. It wanted to prove to the armadillo that it could be done.
47. What chicken?
48. Because it wanted to be hit by a car.
49. Because it saw the chicken crossing sign.
50. It was blackmailed by a bully goose.
51. Because if it didn’t, there would be no question “Why did the chicken cross the road?” and many road-crossing-chicken scholars would not be able to answer their calling in life and would be unsatisfied for their entire lives.
52. It knew something the other chickens didn’t.
53. I think the real question here is why did the road cross the chicken’s path?
54. To go home. He had previously crossed the road to get to the other side, and now he was returning to where he originally came from.
55. Because he thought if a zebra could do it, so could he.
56. Just because he could!
57. Because the chicken was going to McDonald’s.
58. The chicken crossed the road because it was a suicidal chicken that wanted to die.
59. This chicken was in college and had to cross the road in order to become apart of the sorority
60. The chicken was on the reality TV show for poultry called “Cooked Goose” which is a poultry version of “Fear Factor” and the next challenge was to cross the road.
61. If she crossed the road she would win a free car (and driving lessons.)
62. Do you know for sure this chicken crossed this road? Did you see it do it yourself?
63. It wished to set up an egg market on the other side.
64. The chicken didn’t cross the road, I carried it across.
65. The chicken didn’t cross the road, it ran across.
66. The chicken didn’t cross the road, that’s just what it looks like..
67. It was heading to the local jail to turn itself in for Murder.
68. Because the road was there

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